Ways to Cope
by Kasumi Hoshi Nishida
Summary: Angst. Harry and Remus learn to deal with Sirius's death. Basically a way to cope with the grief.


I'm sorry about not updating my HP and the LotS but I've been extremely busy what with Dance Team State Championships and Band and Winter Drum Line and this and I can't handle a fanfiction. I'm not abandoning it, I just can't focus right now, but I'll be back in a month or something.

**I wrote this fic as a way to deal with grief. Just a warning. **

Disclaimer: I do not, have not, and will never own Harry Potter and it's universe.

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**Ways to Cope**

Dedicated to Carly Elizabeth Dolezal

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The stairs seemed to go on forever. The highest point in the castle had to conveniently be at the top of a very large flight of stairs, just great. Still it was worth it just for some peace and tranquility. All the Order members weren't giving him a break, constantly asking how he was dealing with it or if he needed help. _They all mean well_, he reminded himself. This last place he was heading was a last ditch effort to find a spot so he could work it out himself without everyone throwing themselves at him.

That last though sounded wrong. It was so much like what Sirius would say. _Sirius…_

_No, _he thought as he climbed,_ that was the whole reason why you dragged yourself out here at 3:00 a.m. in the damn morning_.

Sirius was gone. Not Azkaban gone, but dead gone. _And it seemed as though not the only one suffering_, he thought as he reached the landing and his eyes meet the startlingly emerald eyes of his previous pupil.

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Harry Potter sat silently on the edge of the Astronomy Tower. It was well into the early morning and he was sure Hermione and Ron would be worried since he hadn't come home that night. _Oh well_, he thought while staring up at the Dog Star. _Sirius, are you up there? Did you meet up with my parents? Did you forgive me?_

A noise startled him before he was able to progress more along the path of self disgust. Professor Lupin was standing in the entry way, silently starring at him with forlorn and distant eyes.

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"It's a nice night," Remus stated.

Harry nodded distractedly and turned back to the stars above. Remus took that as an invitation and settled down next to the fifteen year old. Together they stared up at the heavens, two lost and forgotten souls, just looking for their purpose.

How much timed passed after that neither was sure. Each was caught up in their own thought, wallowing in their own miseries. After all misery loves company.

"How did you cope?" Harry asked out of the blue.

Remus smiled his own secret smile. "I'm not exactly sure. People cope with death many different ways. Everyone affected by your parent's death. Lily had a friend named Alexandria Hazelbrook that dealt very poorly. She got consumed with her grief and wallowed in it for months and months. Alex seemed to think that she was the only one truly affected and spent most of her day crying, not letting anyone else in.

The professors and other more mature adults wept in silence. I think that all of them had seen too much death for them to still new to the pain. They didn't let us see their pain but I knew it was there, just lurking beneath the surface. Others still, tried to delude themselves into ignoring deaths. They immersed themselves in work and other pursuits so that they wouldn't have to deal with the pain. Eventually I think some of them forgot to keep living."

Harry regarded him curiously. "You never answered my original question."

Remus chuckled. "That's because I really don't have a good answer. After the original shook had set in, I didn't know what to do with myself. I kept picturing the things that we'd never be able to do again: running through the Forbidden Forest during the full moon, or playing pranks on the Slytherins. It made me cry so much that I didn't want to deal with anything at all. I wished that it had been me instead of them. I question myself why couldn't I save them? Why did they have to die at such a young age?

There had been so much life in both of them and now here they were, cold, stiff, never to wake up again and see the sun shining. I ran, I didn't want to have to face that reality. I just kept throwing myself into things and I would forget for a couple minutes, a day. But then I'd think about it again and the grief would come back again. Eventually I realized something.

Death is a natural thing. We all have to say goodbye, some just sooner then others. They truly were in a better place, no matter how much we missed them and wanted them back here with us. After all, life is precious because it doesn't last forever. So I went forward with my life, one day at a time."

"Did it work?" Harry question with a slight urgency to his voice.

"It's been working pretty well so far," Remus replied. He stood up and offered his hand to Harry. The boy hesitated but then reached out and grasped Remus's hand firmly.

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Okay you have just read my emotional release paper. First, please do not complain. I needed a way to release my emtions. The reason I wrote this is because my dog of seven years is dying of cancer and the vet says she only has three or four weeks left to live and there's nothing I can do to help! DAMNIT!

So I'm trying to find a way to cope and I thought that writing would be as good as any since I didn't want to go out there and start destroying other people's property.

Please no flames! I'll be fine in a couple of months but for right now I really don't need anymore shit.

I hope that who has ever had someone really important to them die might appreicate this so I thought I'd post it. Maybe we can all wallow in our sorrows together! Yeah Angst Party!


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